5 Signs It Might Be Time to Break Up With Your Friend
When we were younger, we made friends for several reasons:
1. They were fun.
2. They had cool stuff.
3. They were popular and we wanted to fit in.
4. Proximity. They lived near by and you could easily met up.
5. You didn't want to be alone.
I have young boys and we talk a lot about friends. I ask them if their friends support them? If their friends care about them. They stare at me like I am asking if their friends know the secret to the universe. It's just not on their radar at this point. It got me thinking about whether we reevaluate our friendships once we get older. Are we still befriending people for the same reasons we did in our youth? Are we checking in periodically to perform maintenance and to decide if the relationship is still a healthy one?
I think we should every so often do a friend test. Not that I think they should be aware of the test so they can show up for it with sharpened pencils. No. I think that we should do a quiet friend evaluation. The truth is that we pick up on the energy of the people around us. Some people raise our vibration and some people lower it. If you take notice the next time you are around them, you can feel how being in their presence affects you physically and energetically.
Here are 5 signs that if you answer yes to, might mean it is time to break up with your friend.
1. When you are around them you find yourself changing to be who they want you to be.
2. They talk negatively about others and the world. You feel less energized in their company and sometimes even deflated.
3. They make you feel less than or put you down.
4. They make unrealistic demands of your time.
5. They rarely ask about you and your life. You feel like more of a sounding board or support system and they don't reciprocate.
If you are experiencing any of these with a current friend, it might be time to ask if they are open to having an honest conversation about how you are experiencing interactions with them. You can give them your experience in a loving way. For example, "The other day when you asked me to drop everything and drive over so that you could tell me about your issue at work, I felt (insert an emotion here i.e. angry). The story I made up about this is that (whatever your thought in the moment i.e. that you are not honoring my time to ask me to drop everything for a non-emergency.) If your friend is open to having a conversation, then the honesty and care you show in just saying what is in a loving way can greatly improve your connection. If they are not on board for hearing your experience, however, it may be time to stop investing in the friendship, maybe not forever, but for now. Make sure if you do "break up" you cultivate a sense of indifference. Do not invest in drama or gossip about that person. Let them know that you are not available for the kind of friendship that they are interested in having but that you wish them well and don't harbor any hard feelings. Then let it go.
“Undisturbed calmness of mind is attained by cultivating friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and indifference toward the wicked.”
To learn more about strengthening connections through conscious communication, check out my Radiant Living Session Workshop Strengthen Connection March 18, 2017.